I'm sorry ma'am but you don't qualify

*Warning: This is a total vent blog and not meant to offend anyone but I need to vent before I blow up*

When we found out I was pregnant I was uninsured. My work group insurance is outrageously expensive and we've been holding out some hope that B would get picked up permanently by his job so we could get his benefits. We did however decide to finally go with something we could afford and that was actually pretty decent coverage but then they wouldn't take us because of my "pre-exisiting condition".

So, that leads us back to point A and I was now forced to take my work group insurance. I am currently paying almost $400 a month out of my measley salary for the premiums and still have to come up with $3,000 out of pocket seperately to cover my deductible before baby comes. I immediately called up all the state agencies one morning trying to get Medicaid or something to help cover some of this cost because its obviously alot for us. I kept getting the same thing from everyone "I'm sorry, but you don't qualify. Your income is over the limit".

Today, I called our local WIC office to set an appointment for that. It is an amazing government program that helps cover your food costs and then babies formula costs. I had it with my first son and it was a huge help to our family. Seeing as how B and I are living paycheck to paycheck and practically robbing Peter to pay Paul at this point, I figured WIC could be a huge help to us. Boy was I wrong!! I once again don't qualify because we make too much money as a family. HOW IN THE HELL IS THIS POSSIBLE????

Don't look at what I make before taxes! Look at what I bring home!! One of my entire paychecks goes to rent and the other pays our monthly bills and hubs income is paying his bills and helping with the deductible costs. We barely have anything left!! We live off the cheapest of the cheap groceries. God forbid I eat actual fruits and vegetables during this pregnancy!

But, if I didn't work and sat at home all day doing nothing we would qualify for EVERYTHING!! The state of Utah would just hand us money! There would be no questions of anything. We'd get it all. I feel like I'm being punished because I have a job and I pay my bills the responsible way.

Please do not take offense to the above paragraph if you are a stay at home mom. I was with Jackson because we could afford it and I cherished it. That rant was not about you.

I had hopes of moving us into a two bedroom apartment so baby could actually have a nursery and we would have space for things. But that now, is probably out of reach. Thanks to our financial problems we'll be staying in my one bedroom abode and baby's crib will have to go in the dining room. Thankfully we don't have a table to actually get in the way. I will be forced however to get rid of my desk and bookshelves.

Pregnancies are supposed to be so wonderful and exciting. And don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to be pregnant with this baby. But now I have so much financial stress on me I can't seem to enjoy it. I can't seem to find the happy parts and the exciting stuff. At this point I am honestly not even sure how I will afford to buy diapers and necessities for my child. My family is completely unsupportive of this pregnancy and they will not help like they did with Jackson. We aren't close enough for our friends to throw us the amazing showers they did with Jackson. At a time in my life where I should be glowing and excited about the future, all I can do is cry because I am so stressed about how I will ever afford to give this baby a good life.