Monday, February 27, 2012

The Scariest Moment of My Life

Most of my followers are mommies so you will know exactly what this post means. There aren't many moments in life that will just absolutely give you the fear of God but I had one last Monday night. We were on our way to pick up Will from his sitter's house when she text me that he was wheezing and seemed to have a hard time catching his breath. I am pretty sure my heart stopped. We took him straight into the dr's office and his pulse/ox was low so they immediately took him back for oxygen, breathing treatments and a chest x-ray.

To make an incredibly long story short Will has RSV. I have never been so terrified in my life as I was last week when we were bounced around from dr to dr and given a million different diagnosis' and results. On top of the RSV he also has a double ear infection which we were told is actually one of the most common side effects from RSV. After three days of dealing with this

this was our Thursday night

That is my precious gift from God on a gurney in a hospital receiving fluids and steriods because the antibiotic caused him to get severe diarrhea and with the ear infection he wouldn't take a bottle of any kind. It was gut wrenching watching him get poked and prodded and go through all of this.
Thankfully the jacked up antibiotic they gave him in the hospital seems to have tamed things and he is doing much better today. I know that all of the horrors we went through were only to make him better and stronger, but this mommy had a complete meltdown. I was already hysterical when they came to get him for his chest x-ray and even though no mommy wants to leave her baby in a time of need, even the poor technician said it would be best if I stayed behind. Daddy took him and said he was a total trooper.

His pulse/ox levels are holding steady and after 8 days of quarantine we finally got to get out of the house yesterday and did a little shopping! It was a gorgeous day and I think the fresh air did all of us some good because Will ended up sleeping 12 hours last night!

I hope that no parent ever has to go through this ordeal. It was awful. I told my BFF I wouldn't wish that experience on the devil himself and I meant it. Those of you who are friends with me on Facebook, thank you again for all your prayers and support during everything. I truly believe they helped him recover so quickly.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Mommy Guilt

This Friday it will be 4 months since this beautiful child entered my life.

And now he's grown into this

I'm sitting here once again at work and texting my babysitter and realized that for the last two months I feel like I am completely missing out. I am racked with mommy guilt. It's a horrible, horrible feeling. I have no choice but to work because without my income we wouldn't have a home. And its not like I keep working so that we can live in some fancy home. We are still living in a one bedroom apartment and my child is still sleeping in the dining room. (We have put our names on the waiting list for a 2 bedroom). But he's changing every single day and each week I only get 48 hours with him. I just know I'm going to miss him rolling over for the first time, his first words, all the special moments in life. I was blessed enough to spend Jackson's first year of life at home with him and missed nothing.

My husband gets frustrated when Will is crying because he says he doesn't know what he wants/needs and that I always do. But the more I think about that, the more I realize I have no clue. I guess at things and try different things and I am usually able to soothe him. But talking with my sitter today I feel like she knows my child better than I do. She spends 9 hours a day 5 days a week with him. I was blessed to find him a wonderful lady that cares for him in her home with only her 2 children. She treats Will as if he were hers and loves him the same. I know that he's in excellent hands. But they aren't my hands....

Have any of you mommies every experienced this? How did you cope? How do you make the mommy guilt go away?